When you are habitually shy, dating can be nerve-wracking. You know that you should go up to women and introduce yourself, get involved in conversations and be funny and charming, but knowing is very different from doing. Shy guys get worried about becoming tongue-tied, or making an ass of themselves and this fear stops them from doing anything, in particular chatting up women.
But it needn’t be like that. OK, if you are shy you are not going to turn into a massive extrovert overnight, and I do not think that is the way to go either, but you can make a few changes, mostly to your mental state, that allow you to either forget your own introversion or, better still, embrace it.
Here are three small changes a shy guy can make, that will allow them to talk to women, date, and be exactly the guy they want to be.
You should never deny your true self. Unfortunately that is what everyone spends their entire lives doing. We are all told on a daily basis that we are not good enough, and we should change this, that and the other in order to be better people, and only be doing so will be find the great girl, the great job and all the happiness the world owes us.
We are who we are, and though you should always strive for better, you are not going to change dramatically in your entire lifetime, let alone in the next week so that you can go out at the weekend a new man. If you are a shy guy then you have to learn to live with that. Thought that might seem a romantic death sentence it doesn’t have to be. In fact, I will let you into a little secret – women love shy guys.
Shy guys have an air of mystery about them that the brasher male does not, and mystery is a real draw for women. If you are up-front all the time, putting your whole self out there, then there is nothing for the girls to learn about you. An arrogant, extroverted guy may look good in the bar or the club, but most women know they are a nightmare to date, and what they really want is a guy who is a little bit more of a closed-book and a bit more interesting.
Of course, it is difficult for a shy guy to even get to that point. They are not going to go up to a girl and start talking, so that leaves everything tot eh women, and as much as women like mystery, then also like to be wooed – it is a catch-22 situation for the introvert. But just because the louder males get more attention, doesn’t mean that is what the women are looking for.
In addition, the more comfortable you are, the better you come across. If you admit to yourself that you are a little shy, rather than trying everything to change that, you can start to make small changes so you can at least talk to a girl or two.
Concentrate On The Girl
Women are not an alien species and are remarkably easy to take to once you realize what they are: people. You can talk to them just like everyone else. OK, so if you are shy you might have trouble even talking to the cashier at the grocery store, but you should be able to realize that not everyone is out to make a fool of you, and you have nothing to fear, really, from talking to women on a night out, or just during the day.
Start small, and try talking to female cashiers, baristas, or shop assistants to get used to talking to women. I am not saying chat them up. I am saying talk to them in relation to their job. This will allow you to get comfortable talking to women without wondering if they like you or not.
Once you feel a bit more comfortable talking o women, then give it a go on a night out. And again, just start small. Compliment a girl at a bar, or strike up a conversation about something relevant. At this point you have one massive advantage over every other guy – you are not explicitly trying to get laid. If you just talk to a women just normally then you will be able to have a proper conversation with her, and over time your shyness will diminish as you get to know them.
I always say confidence is key to dating, which is true. What is also true is that almost no one has true confidence. Most people are just faking it to try and look good. That means that you can do that to. A little bit of confidence, such as that needed to start a conversation with a girl at a bar, will go a long way. One you are up and running, confidence breeds confidence, so just pretend for those five seconds as you approach that you really are a confidant man, and it shall be so.